tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-309391042024-03-14T01:39:32.363-05:00mmmm...that's deliciousmy spot.mmmm...that's delicioushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15703614416631997530noreply@blogger.comBlogger93125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30939104.post-52934617396984139572016-12-29T19:23:00.000-06:002016-12-29T19:23:41.405-06:00Are you ok?Old post I felt like publishing. I think this is from 4 -ish years ago, maybe longer than that...<br />
<br />
So, I feel that I am getting better. Stabler . . . that I'm pretty sure is not a word, at least not the word for my purposes.<br />
<br />
I am feeling better, stronger. That's what I mean. Perhaps it's the impending move along with the peace of mind that comes from knowing I'm getting the f*ck out of here. For good. Yes, I mean that. And maybe there will be more on that later.<br />
<br />
Part of what makes me realize I'm getting better (or maybe that I wasn't as bad as I thought?) is that when I experience wacky behavior and/or reactions of other folks to innocuous interactions, I get confused and go through a list of whys and wherefores before I remember that<br />
<br />
1) I actually don't care that much so none of it matters<br />
<br />
and<br />
<br />
2) Its not me it's them<br />
<br />
It's been such a long road and being here has been awful. I don't yet see the good in it. I didn't get what I thought I wanted but didn't get stuck forever with all that I didn't.<br />
<br />
<br />mmmm...that's delicioushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15703614416631997530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30939104.post-15327647452794526292011-10-04T13:19:00.000-05:002011-10-04T13:19:51.788-05:00I have a close friend. Perhaps my best friend, who is an astoundingly bad judge of character. She seems unable to judge people's true motivations in a majority of cases. <br />
<br />
The reason I find this worth mentioning and fairly interesting, is that she is a mental health counselor. Time after time, she has made declarations about situations and people that in the end, turn out to be patently, well, jacked up, for lack of a better descriptive. Always the details and issues on which she focuses, which she assumes are important qualities of said situations or people, I immediately reject as implausible or naive. This has happened in work situations and in personal situations because after all she is my girl and often we give each other advice on various issues in our lives, be they personal or professional.<br />
<br />
What I've always found perplexing is that she is always wrong about outcomes and motivations (and by the way, I am usually right). It seems that a counselor, an individual charged with helping others find their way would have a keen sense of these sorts of things. <br />
<br />
Upon recent reflexion, however--I have lots of time on my hands lately, what can I say?--what I've determined is that as a counselor, her job is not to determine motivations but rather to help her patient figure them out for themselves. So, being somewhat unattuned to human behavior would be less of an issue. <br />
<br />
It still doesn't make sense to me but maybe?<br />
<br />
Yes. I have too much time on my hands...mmmm...that's delicioushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15703614416631997530noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30939104.post-87539403845681585702011-10-02T00:50:00.005-05:002011-10-02T01:01:12.769-05:00You can go home again.I miss this blog. I've been thinking about it for about a week. It's been so long...there's been so much. I don't even know how to catch up. But, this blog feels like home, honestly, this one and another I'd started, that I actually thought had been integrated with this. This is me. They are me. Someday I may even reactivate the other one, who knows.<br /><br />I feel like I need this space. So I think that, I'm going to keep coming back here and the details of what has been will spill over time. I will get the re-acclimate to this space. I will invite some friends I've met along the way and think that I will grow to love over time. I think that's a good plan. It's a good plan to have no plan.<br /><br />This blog feels like home. So, now I think that maybe you really can go home again.<br /><br />See you soon.mmmm...that's delicioushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15703614416631997530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30939104.post-34029511036033686282009-03-28T22:57:00.003-05:002009-03-28T23:08:09.513-05:00God. It's been an eternity since I've stopped through. The struggles never end in these parts.<div><br /></div><div>I have been writing, thinking, all the rest and it soothes my soul, but goddamnit, it's not enough to pay the bills. The creatin', the formulatin' is not enough to make it all happen for real, for real. So...so...so I have decided to seek a full time job in order to make things so.</div><div><br /></div><div>I'm OK with that. Now I just have to make that ish happen. I want something in writing or food, which most likely means entry-level, but that's cool. I'm a hustla, sometimes a reluctant one, but a hustla nonetheless.</div><div><br /></div><div>In other news, I am in the mix yet again. Feels funny to have so much after K. I thought there would be nothing, could be nothing, no one, after K. But then there was Hurricane Ike and now this <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0);">one</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;">. I don't know what to say about it. It feels like nothing but just when it's nothing, it starts to feel like something, not quite everything, but something. Something that has the capacity to be everything if I would let it. I don't know if I will let it. </span></span></div><div><br /></div><div>I'm poor.</div>mmmm...that's delicioushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15703614416631997530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30939104.post-13587652207553965972009-01-14T22:27:00.002-06:002009-01-14T22:38:44.283-06:00Things are moving. This is good. I think, this time, that I am moving at the same speed. I still feel that three-steps-forward-two-steps-back vibe lingering. But I've got it under control. <div><br /></div><div><br /></div>mmmm...that's delicioushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15703614416631997530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30939104.post-57203786057341054272009-01-03T12:26:00.004-06:002009-01-03T12:37:44.599-06:00I have been in my house cleaning (kind of), lounging (lots of), and reflecting since. New Year's Day. The phone hasn't rung...<div><br /></div><div>That's not really different from before but I feel different. I feel like, well, I don't know, but I feel a little like I did back in Paris when I never knew what was going to happen next. It's just a little less extreme. </div><div><br /></div><div>I am working on my new blog now, wanting to start it off with a review of a couple of books. I am also realizing that I'm probably going to have to come up with my own design for the site that will be home to another project I'm working on, because things don't feel right with the current arrangement. I don't want to end up in a similar situation to one that thrust the new project entirely on my shoulders in the first place.</div><div><br /></div><div>I have three articles on tap with two completed holdovers from 2008 that should be published in the coming weeks. I'm hoping to get at least one pitch out the door every other week or so and get creative about work.</div><div><br /></div><div>It's good to be motivated and focused on the inside again now I just have to channel it to the keyboard of my trusty MacBook. </div>mmmm...that's delicioushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15703614416631997530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30939104.post-42573945973779742522009-01-02T15:40:00.006-06:002009-01-15T23:29:21.130-06:00The World Is Mine In 2009...Yesterday a local disc jockey declared that each time he played a new song and urged each caller on the line to repeat it each time he happened to be on the phone.<div><br /></div><div>I say amen to that bruva! </div><div><br /></div><div>2008 was a bitch. It really never let up, at least not for me. I learned a lot and noticed after all that I made a lot fewer mistakes than I have in the past although there was something of a doozy along the way. But otherwise, I can hold my head up. Once again no regrets...it's the third year running that I can say that. Last year I lived to my own beat and wasn't ashamed or confused at the end of it all. I moved on through.</div><div><br /></div><div>There was the brush with (and adjustment to) poverty, readjusting to the majority and the work-a-day world (part-time at least), the Tempest Ikechukwu, and realizing my own power and ability to stand up for myself. </div><div><br /></div><div>I learned that the strength and power of art is mine if I care to harness it. I was captivated unlike never before, by the possibility of Black Love and reminded how sweet it can be and how much it can sting, courtesy of a man with smooth dark skin the color of molasses and a voice so deep that, oooh, let me stop.... </div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, I have plans for 2009. The world is mine, well, always, but in 2009, I'm going to get back to living like I mean it.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>mmmm...that's delicioushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15703614416631997530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30939104.post-33962532830657007782008-11-17T17:27:00.004-06:002008-11-18T11:24:47.791-06:00After a week of wound-licking I am feeling much better. It could have something to do with the fact that the sun is also streaming into my windows, there is certainly nothing like sunlight to perk up a mood. I learned that after living in Seattle for two years!<br /><div><br /></div><div>I originally started this post a day ago and it began something like:</div><div>"Everything in my life sucks right now..." Wow. Amazing. To cut myself some slack, I have had a pretty rough summer/fall in terms of personal, family, and work life. I am still feeling uncertain about many things but my head is clearer now and I can see the proverbial path in the woods; I've been on it all along actually.</div><div><br /></div><div>Now other than a painful lack of finances (no contracts anywhere in sight) I am alright. I will just keep moving forward, because right now it's a little too much to try to figure out when and where to change direction. But you know, as long as it's not backward, I'm pretty sure I'll be ok.</div>mmmm...that's delicioushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15703614416631997530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30939104.post-79486253152091334822008-11-15T10:58:00.000-06:002008-11-15T10:59:27.048-06:00FUUUUUUCK.mmmm...that's delicioushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15703614416631997530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30939104.post-82340765945520992642008-11-14T17:32:00.005-06:002008-11-15T10:47:43.362-06:00Back in touchNever do these but found this in my Internet travels. Perfect to get me back into the swing of things, I'll call it Me In a Word:<br /><br />Yourself: smoldering <br />Your partner: nonexistent <br />Your hair: corkscrew-y <br />Your mother: strongwilled <br />Your father: wounded <br />Your favorite item: stone <br />Your dream last night: unmemorable <br />Your favorite drink: tangy <br />Your dream home: old-fashioned <br />The room you are in: cozy <br />Your fear: childlessness <br />Where you want to be in 10 years?: Paris <br />Who you hung out with last night: myself <br />What you're not: weak <br />Your best friend: quirky <br />One of your wish list items: stereo <br />Your gender: female <br />The last thing you did: examined <br />What you are wearing: slacks <br />Your favorite weather: rainy <br />Your favorite book?: Song of Solomon <br />Last thing you ate?: hummus <br />Your life: full <br />Your mood: agitated <br />The last person you talked to on the phone: Catherine <br />Who are you thinking about right now?: memmmm...that's delicioushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15703614416631997530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30939104.post-14887016753696301672008-11-02T18:10:00.004-06:002008-11-02T18:20:21.729-06:00I find myself back in a position where I don't want to be. But truthfully I'm not sure if that's where I am. Makes no sense, I know. <br /><br />I've changed lots in the past few years, I broke out of these patterns that saw me receiving the very minimum from those around me and strangely wanting more and more rather than stopping surveying the various situations and moving on or forcing change in them. Change of myself, that is, I always stayed put and always got nothing. My needs were never met, I was never satisfied, I was never...<br /><br />Now I fear that I could get myself back into the same situation if I'm not careful. So tonight I am stuck. I hate feeling stuck. I'm here because of my own mistakes, granted, but that doesn't make it any easier. Maybe I'll go to bed with a book, rest, cry, rest, then awaken refreshed (with any luck) and ready to move on.mmmm...that's delicioushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15703614416631997530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30939104.post-28288892420208624792008-10-13T15:36:00.002-05:002008-10-13T15:41:56.953-05:00I had dreams Saturday and Sunday about... I hate that. I don't want to say that out loud, which is why I'm writing it. I felt like I had to let it out of me. Is that weird, like it's a secret or something...<br /><br />Stupid.<br /><br />I don't feel like the door is closed but I'm not sure it's open either. Does that make sense? <br /><br />It feels like the experience is hanging out there open-ended in the universe, where perhaps it will float into infinity or not. I hate that. I liked it before, just before everything. My mind was free, clear, unfettered by thoughts of...for the first time, maybe ever. I want that back, goddammit. <br /><br />I've gotten to a point in my life where I really like the feel of certainty. Clean breaks. Cut and dry-ness, if you know what I mean.<br /><br />But I keep seeing snow falling from my window sitting with...watching and waiting.<br /><br />I don't like that.<br /><br />Clean breaks.<br /><br />Endings...happy or sad...just done.mmmm...that's delicioushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15703614416631997530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30939104.post-28482821006781535312008-10-11T20:26:00.004-05:002008-10-11T20:41:35.126-05:00Friends! Art. Life. Love?So far this weekend three people who I adore have called me. It was all totally unexpected and wonderful since I had no plans and it's the first weekend in about a month that I've been home alone or home at all. So, I feel good today after a tough couple of weeks. I love the friends I have and the relationships I've managed to cultivate with them. I don't feel so alone anymore because of them. More importantly they are all sounding well. That makes me happier than anything.<br /><br />I finally brought the second of three pictures that I had framed home and it looks okay. The third is still being finished and will probably be there for awhile because it's a bit pricey. But I look forward to it coming home when it does. I now have a couple of more pieces I want framed. We'll see. It's kind of expensive but worth it. Now my house is filled with art but honestly, I don't have enough wall space now. But when I head back to Paris I plan to find a place with plenty of wall space for my treasures.<br /><br />Life is still moving along rather sluggishly but with promise, at least I think. It's both exhilarating and horrifying to think that the direction my life will take is all up to me. I have wish I had a genie in a bottle to shape a few events or that there was a scroll somewhere that I'll discover that will tell me what's next. But really I suppose I like the mystery of it all. The only thing I'd really like to be set on is the whole family and kids thing. I want them both desperately, but is any of that in store for me? I think I want to marry Pete Rock, I'm cute and smart and talented. He'd like me. Can anyone hook me up out there?<br /><br />As for love. What to say. I'll talk about that some other time.mmmm...that's delicioushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15703614416631997530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30939104.post-30201930202737961602008-10-05T20:20:00.004-05:002008-10-05T20:26:36.603-05:00It is definite. That thing has completely slipped through my fingers. Perhaps it was never destined to be...<br /><br />That's okay. It feels okay. I made a big mistake this time around and I won't again. I won't again. <br /><br />On the other hand, I had a fantastic weekend. I spent it with old friends, with whom, if I am lucky, I will keep in touch. At least with a few of them. I'd love to keep a few of them in my back pocket, so to speak. <br /><br />Additionally, I just had a really big steak. It was delicious. <br /><br />So, time to move on. <br /><br />Yeah. Time to move on.mmmm...that's delicioushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15703614416631997530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30939104.post-7482311634357325502008-10-01T23:23:00.003-05:002008-10-01T23:31:28.397-05:00In the past two weeks I just had something that I think I wanted slip through my fingers. Mostly because of me. I wasn't ready for it, I think. I say I think because I am uncertain about a few things. In any case, here I am where I started and for the first time ever, I am okay with that. It's damn hard, but I am not devastated. I do not feel like I have to reconstruct myself or my life in a different way and start over completely. <br /><br />That is a very good thing.<br /><br />I wish I had gotten what I wanted. I'm a little annoyed that I have to keep pushing now, because I thought it could have been pretty good in the grand scheme of things. It was challenging. For the first time, a challenge that kept me interested, engaged, on my toes. It was fun and definitely a learning experience. <br /><br />So I am happy I had the experience but ready to try out the next thing that has come up for me. It should be good. We'll see where it goes.mmmm...that's delicioushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15703614416631997530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30939104.post-19469520930387751652008-09-29T18:23:00.004-05:002008-09-29T18:32:33.365-05:00It rained all day today. Autumn is here. I really love this weather. This is the time of year that most people find very difficult. You know: the days are shorter, the temperatures are cooler, and the holidays are right there. But I love this time of year, perhaps because it's my birthday season. <br /><br />I am looking forward to the holidays and may even go to my parents' home this year, breaking the solemn vow I made about seven years ago never to spend another holiday with them at their home. We shall see. I am looking forward to preparing something grand for one or both of our holiday meals since Christmas was such a success last year.<br /><br />With that, my novenas are burning and I've implored the intercession of Santa Clara and the Seven African Powers. The least I could do is hold up my end of the deal by doing some work.<br /><br />A la prochaine...mmmm...that's delicioushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15703614416631997530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30939104.post-87674420544351059322008-09-26T17:18:00.002-05:002008-09-26T17:22:01.347-05:00So much has changed in my life since last Wednesday. I think it has changed anyway. <br /><br />I am left here wondering how life moves the way it does and how we get pushed along the way we do. How we forget, remember, or fail to realize who we are, where we are, what we are, or even what we need to do sometimes. <br /><br />One thing is certain about life. You never know what will happen. I certainly didn't.mmmm...that's delicioushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15703614416631997530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30939104.post-42821515469886097832008-09-24T07:19:00.002-05:002008-09-24T07:25:12.731-05:00The past week has been a nightmare. Personally and professionally, I have been smacked around like a ball in a pinball machine. Lots of what has happened is my fault and I know that I have to get it together. I am on that path now and I have made a promise to myself to stay on it.<br /><br />Can't say much else at this point. <br /><br />I have to make some time though for baking. I have a Daring Bakers assignment and really baking just helps keep me balanced. We'll see what I can whip up.mmmm...that's delicioushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15703614416631997530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30939104.post-60253155863726727362008-09-12T22:11:00.002-05:002008-09-12T22:22:23.072-05:00I am wicked tired of being poor. Excuse that slip back into the nostalgia of my childhood in New England. <br /><br />Seriously though, I am.<br /><br />I need to get cracking. I'm trying, there is no doubt. Just not hard enough. Now I am having trouble with focus because in my free time, my thoughts often drift and I spend time reflecting on my new *ahem* situation and how I managed it all. Everything is good and I'm actually really fulfilled emotionally for the first time, perhaps ever, so I guess using that as an excuse is no longer an option.<br /><br />What else can I say right now. Nothing, I guess, so, signing off...mmmm...that's delicioushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15703614416631997530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30939104.post-66520108419540037102008-09-08T10:06:00.012-05:002008-09-11T07:47:06.296-05:00PR saves my Soul...I ran across this on youtube after doing a search for Pete Rock:<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Z6LFaeJaHu8&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Z6LFaeJaHu8&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />I had never purchased any of his solo material because, well, I don't know why. But PR is the most amazing hip hop producer. I would say that he could easily produce across genres if he so desired. He is a true artist. <br /><br />No other producer comes close, there was Dilla (R.I.P.), 9th Wonder, and of course, Premo, but Pete still reigns supreme. <br /><br />His work is complex and subtle. I have been inspired to develop some sort of tarte in his honor. Don't know what I will call it, but I'm envisioning chocolate, textures, a hint of salt, caramel, maybe hazelnut...to the kitchen. With PR playing in the background, of course.mmmm...that's delicioushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15703614416631997530noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30939104.post-68618773547874340062008-09-03T19:00:00.004-05:002008-09-11T07:42:29.533-05:00WaitingI'm waiting for my date to arrive. Sounds weird after so long.<div><br /></div><div>But really, I got ready for this, nothing special, but I realize just how much work this shit takes.</div><div>Showering, I mean really showering, not one of those in and out kind of things. You just can't be crusty when you're dating. And it's not even like I ever really am crusty, but you have to take extra care.</div><div><br /></div><div>You can't have crazy toenails or rough feet. You have to clean behind your ears, floss, handle all of those cracks and crevices, all of that. Again, not that I don't normally, but it matters when you're interacting with others and not just someone you want to, well, you know...</div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, it's crazy. I forgot after all of these years being unfulfilled/with one person that it's exciting and takes work.</div><div><br /></div><div>More importantly, I am learning that there are normal people out there. That is to say, sociopaths are not the norm. </div><div><br /></div><div>But now, I have to run, because I forgot to floss...</div>mmmm...that's delicioushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15703614416631997530noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30939104.post-70155672974116137662008-09-01T22:57:00.004-05:002008-09-01T23:01:01.634-05:00<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Let the stroll-walking commence...</span></span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div>mmmm...that's delicioushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15703614416631997530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30939104.post-90299499458037790042008-08-27T17:03:00.010-05:002008-08-27T23:01:47.604-05:00Oooh And I Like It...I met a man.<br /><br />I met him awhile ago very briefly, in passing, actually, at the a place where I worked. We ran into each other recently... He is Nigerian and has the deepest voice I think I've ever heard, and I love that. Anyway, although I generally try to avoid Nigerians, (I'll just say CRAY-ZAY and leave it at that), he is quite interesting. I suppose his being hot and chocolate-y has something to do with it too.<br /><br />Anyway, when he talks I get tingly, literally. I'm going to have to look that up, I mean, attraction, deep voices...there is definitely no shortage of testosterone in his world.<br /><br />This could be trouble, the voice alone could have me walking that stroll if I'm not careful.mmmm...that's delicioushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15703614416631997530noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30939104.post-87692218227477761382008-08-23T20:20:00.003-05:002008-08-23T20:22:09.244-05:00That thing revisited...False alarm...there's nothing to see here, folks.mmmm...that's delicioushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15703614416631997530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30939104.post-73338367146266066992008-08-20T17:30:00.002-05:002008-08-23T20:24:05.917-05:00That thing revisited...Oh no.mmmm...that's delicioushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15703614416631997530noreply@blogger.com0