Ennui

You know, I hate counting on other people for stuff.  Really.  This is both a strength and a weakness of mine.  I sometimes find myself isolated and even struggling because I don't reach out.  Actually I often forget entirely to reach out and it's largely because I have encountered so few people in this life who I can count on, friends and family alike.  

I've met a few who are down for whatever (within reason, of course) and I cherish them, but it's taken a long time.  Still, even with them, I have trouble laying down my burdens, my armor, etc. and letting them help.  I know that it also has to do with control but that's another story.  In any case I am at a point where I am not only waiting for others but I am also squandering my own time and energy.  I'm in that cycle again.  I'm a little stuck.