I have been in my house cleaning (kind of), lounging (lots of), and reflecting since. New Year's Day.  The phone hasn't rung...

That's not really different from before but I feel different.  I feel like, well, I don't know, but I feel a little like I did back in Paris when I never knew what was going to happen next.  It's just a little less extreme.  

I am working on my new blog now, wanting to start it off with a review of a couple of books. I am also realizing that I'm probably going to have to come up with my own design for the site that will be home to another project I'm working on, because things don't feel right with the current arrangement.  I don't want to end up in a similar situation to one that thrust the new project entirely on my shoulders in the first place.

I have three articles on tap with two completed holdovers from 2008 that should be published in the coming weeks.  I'm hoping to get at least one pitch out the door every other week or so and get creative about work.

It's good to be motivated and focused on the inside again now I just have to channel it to the keyboard of my trusty MacBook.  

It rained all day today. Autumn is here. I really love this weather. This is the time of year that most people find very difficult. You know: the days are shorter, the temperatures are cooler, and the holidays are right there. But I love this time of year, perhaps because it's my birthday season.

I am looking forward to the holidays and may even go to my parents' home this year, breaking the solemn vow I made about seven years ago never to spend another holiday with them at their home. We shall see. I am looking forward to preparing something grand for one or both of our holiday meals since Christmas was such a success last year.

With that, my novenas are burning and I've implored the intercession of Santa Clara and the Seven African Powers. The least I could do is hold up my end of the deal by doing some work.

A la prochaine...

I am wicked tired of being poor. Excuse that slip back into the nostalgia of my childhood in New England.

Seriously though, I am.

I need to get cracking. I'm trying, there is no doubt. Just not hard enough. Now I am having trouble with focus because in my free time, my thoughts often drift and I spend time reflecting on my new *ahem* situation and how I managed it all. Everything is good and I'm actually really fulfilled emotionally for the first time, perhaps ever, so I guess using that as an excuse is no longer an option.

What else can I say right now. Nothing, I guess, so, signing off...

Making my way...

This week two shitty things happened.  Two clients flaked on me, which is really par for the course in my business, if you'll excuse the trite expression.  That means almost $1000 that may never see my bank account, but truthfully, I think it may have been for the best.  I say this because another family situation has arisen and it has made me realize how far I've come personally (emotionally) and professionally in the last few years.

As much as I need the money and the exposure and pieces for my burgeoning portfolio, I know that the two people who bailed out, one callously and selfishly, the other weakly and sneakily, taught me a valuable lesson.  One is the relative of a dear friend and the other I made contact with and we were on the road to being friends, but she needed work for her business and it seemed the perfect fit.  I was wrong.  Anyway, I've learned two things (and maybe I'll add to this list as time passes and I reflect more on the situation):

1.  Don't do business with friends or relatives.  Now I can't make that a hard and fast rule, because I'm doing business with a friend but we are working more as partners.  Perhaps I should say here, don't provide goods or services to a friend or relative in the context of a business transaction.

2.  If people are bad clients, that is to say, pushy, rude, selfish, lacking boundaries, weak, or passive-agressive, you don't want them in your life anyway, in any capacity.  I'm going to also go out on a limb and say that they probably exhibit these same characteristics in their personal relationships to a greater or lesser degree.

A few years ago, I might have lamented this whole situation.  I would have analyzed it to death and thought of it as a personal reflection on me.  I certainly wouldn't have reacted the way I did, which was to immediately get angry in a flash that passed as quickly as it came upon me.  I then gave the deadbeats a few choice words and moved on to the next.  

So far in this business I've had people from all walks of life flake out on me:  a wanna-be celebrity chef in L.A., a couple of well-meaning but slightly provincial "ghetto executives," the editor of a fairly well-known magazine, and now these two.  It's always tough too take and I imagine there will be many more and I will spend more time licking my wounds than I did this time around.  Overall, however, I'm proud that I've gotten to a place in my life where I see no other option but to put myself out there.  Now, I feel like I don't know how to live any other way.

I like that.

Get on the good foot...

For real, I need to find that cut by James Brown and get it running on an endless loop here at the crib.  Endless loop, am I showing my age?  And the picture?  Just love it, that's all...

I have so much to do.  I have so many ideas and I'm having trouble getting myself back on track after a recent events that shall remain unexplained here.

The four biggest things on my agenda:

1.  Preparing the syllabus for the food writing course I'll be teaching at Kendall College this summer.  Amazing that they just accepted my proposal without a lot of rigamarole.  

2.  Begin to plan a trip to North Africa and Turkey for vacation in the fall and for research for my next writing projects.  Plenty of dates and patisseries will be involved.  Oh yes.

3.  Make it up to Wisconsin to visit Growing Power, an organization trying to do big things in the way of urban farming in the Chicago area.  I'm hoping to put together an essay (what will hopefully be my fourth or fifth by then, check my first here) for The Root and maybe some other places, we'll see.

4.  Get in touch with the owner of a local cafe here that serves les gateaux.  I want to see if I can make them here.  I mean if I can't get to Paris as soon as I thought I would, I may as well make my sweet little loves part of life on American soil.  (With luck, I can get some lessons in making couscous--the actual grains, that is--I've tried it and was, well, fairly unsuccessful.)

Yes.  So much to do, so little time to nap.

**I also need to write here as much as possible.  I need to get some structure back in my routine.  Oh and more music and dancing, as much as I can possibly take!  Oh wait, and more baking, and...