I have made a new friend here and I really like her. She's as sweet as pie, as they say. She is originally from the Midwest and a really silly girl. She possesses this very charming self-consciousness that is balanced by a total lack of pretention. She is totally unassuming. She is also married.
Now I say this, not as a sort of "oh no" aside, but because I went out with her recently, for the first time and her husband came along. Prior to this, we'd had several conversations about what she did on weekends on days off, etc. They all seemed to include her husband. It could have been something she did just with him, but more often that not it also included other people, single women, mutual friends. So, after awhile I asked her
"Do you do everything with him?"
It was then that I realized that it made her feel a little self-conscious when she replied in a stilted manner with this explanation:
"No, I do other stuff without him, I guess it just happens to be these particular stories. You know, I mean, we're friends, we like to hang out, you know? I mean, we have lots of mutual friends, really." "That's really it, we don't do everything together."
But I didn't mean it critically, or did I? I don't think it's bad to do everything with your boyfriend or husband, I guess I've just never had a relationship like that, where someone wanted to do things with me all of the time, so I can't imagine it. It sounds kind of nice, but also kind of annoying. Really, what she made me think of was another friend whose boyfriend (now husband) had recently moved in with her and consequently they began doing everything together. One day when we were both still living in Chicago, she suggested we go to yoga and I said that would be great, she then said: "Oh, I'll just tell Marcus* and he can meet us there." I remember thinking 'hey, since when did Marcus enter this particular equation?' First, I actually thought it weird that a guy would do yoga**, I'm not sure I'd want my man doing yoga, a little too sensitive for me. Then I thought, why would he want to do it with us? And why would she want him to? I ended up canceling and thinking who really is the third wheel here?
So my outing and conversations with my new friend got me thinking. Am I/Have I been jealous because I don't have a boyfriend, because I am perpetually single, or is it weird that a couple does everything together ALL THE TIME-- from hanging out with his friends to hanging out with hers?
I have to say I think it's weird. Maybe because as I said, I've never been with a man who accompanied me everywhere I went, but I think that I wouldn't even want that. Or would I? Maybe it's wonderful. But from this end it still seems like it would be way annoying. You know, maybe that's why I'm still single. Well, at this point it's not, but maybe it's why I will be single for awhile yet....
*names have been changed to protect the innocent.
**please don't write comments about this, I know plenty of men enjoy and benefit from yoga.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
my spot.
About Me
- mmmm...that's delicious
- I am a freelance (food) writer currently living, writing, and eating in Chicago.
Posts
Deliciousness...
Find me here...
Afflatus...
Check It Out, Y'all...
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
6 comments:
You know what,
I think it is too personal.
It depends on how do you manage yourself with your need for liberty, or how can you have fun by yourself, or how things may become more interesting, if you are alone.
I would never invite a girlfriend, to go out with my friends for fishing, going to watch a car race, or shopping at computer stores, for an example. It cuts the fun by the half, and a potentially unfun for a woman. As a man, I believe that there are other things that are equally annoying for a man... like being dragged along to buy clothes with women.
Well, that's what I think. Maybe your friend will change her mind after some years of marriage... But I don't know them, it's hard to say.
mmm sweet pie
Here's something that I know I did, I did everything with my ex. I did everything that HE wanted to do. I stopped doing the things I wanted to do and I totally lost my sense of identity, because "I" became a part of "we" and not in a good way. So I guess it depends on how secure they are in their relationship, but yeah, a girl needs a break every now and again.
richard and e,
well, like i said, it's not really my friend (my new friend) who annoys me, it's this whole idea in general. i think it's true you have to be secure in your relationship and have your head on straight. but, since writing this, i've thought about the relationship my new friend has with her husband and the truth is, she just likes him a lot. they like each other a lot and want to be with each other because they like each other's company. and it's good. it's how i felt about my ex. i didn't want to be with him because i couldn't exist without him, i wanted to be with him because i really liked him and when his 'pure unadulterated' self shone through, it was great, because we liked each other...
so i say all of this to say, i guess it what i want. i think that on a certain level it's what everyone wants.
i still have issues about the yoga thing, however. :)
fatrobot,
i can't tell if you're being pervy or not, my hunch is yes...
eunice, you're totally right. i'd never not want to have alone/personal time. it would feel stifling. i don't think i'd ever even attract the kind of man who wouldn't at some point want his own time and space anyway...
Post a Comment